“It’s on like Donkey Kong”
—Steve Stiffler, American Wedding
Quoting from the foul-mouthed poet Steve Stiffler might seem inappropriate in a wireless magazine, but that was what came to my mind early last week watching the flurry of bids rain down from the advanced wireless services auction. In a matter of days, total bids escalated from the $2.4 billion posted by the first weekend break to more than $10 billion by mid-week. It was definitely on, and I was beginning to regain my normal happy demeanor.
You see, after the first three days of bidding, I was beginning to worry that participants were actually being conscious of the money they were bidding, or—worse yet—thinking of long-term returns on their investments, a replay of last year’s oh-so-boring Auction 58. And it was depressing me—sad face.
But those doldrums were quickly pushed aside as bidders came out of the weekend break with fire in their eyes and money burning a hole in their pockets as they finally realized that auctions are meant to be outrageous events filled with over-the-top bidding that would make the last minute of an eBay auction seem tame—happy face. Think the ill-fated Auction 35, but with maybe with a skosh of sanity. (Or better yet, a large gorilla rolling barrels at you to prevent your attempt to climb scaffolding and save the damsel in distress. I know it does not make any sense, but man I love that game!)
By round 24, bidding had topped $11 billion, which was well ahead of some estimates—and my glee-meter was quickly turned up to 11.
(As a side note, I will be holding an auction sometime next year for all the airwaves in my house. Minimum bidding will start at $100, which will be used to clear out incumbent operators, mostly the cobwebs I can’t seem to reach. Of course the auction could be delayed by designated entities not happy with the lack of bidding credits, but we’ll take care of that later.)
Extra glee was gleaned from the withdrawal of the satellite twins, which initially put a scare into the wireless industry with their nearly $1 billion deposit, because I had told a local newspaper that the satellite guys would be inconsequential to the auction’s outcome. (Now I’m off to buy a lottery ticket.) As is often the case with wide-eyed rookies, the pace and price of the proceedings were too much for the Wonder Twins to match. It takes nerves of steel and deep pockets to compete against established auction veterans.
As expected, the usual suspects have risen to the top with Verizon Wireless and T-Mobile USA Inc., both backed by parent companies not afraid to throw their financial weight around, plopping down significant chunks of cash for spectrum, and I heartily applaud their efforts. Sure billions of dollars is a lot of money, but we are talking about airwaves. And can you really put a price on air or gorillas?
