Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So Sprint Nextel fired Len Lauer. The carrier said it is making changes in the management of its core operations and that Lauer would leave the company immediately. Gary Forsee, Sprint Nextel’s president and chief executive officer, will assume Lauer’s responsibilities. Sprint Nextel said it won’t name a new COO.
Don’t cry for me, Sprint Nextel
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don’t keep your distance
Tasteless? I agree. My bad.
Anyway, let’s start connecting the dots:
1) Sprint Nextel recently announced dismal second-quarter results. Specifically, the carrier’s net adds were horrific (which means the quarter was even harder on Sprint Nextel’s MVNO partners).
2) Right after its second-quarter earnings announcement, Sprint Nextel said it will launch a super awesome WiMAX network. (Some people have already hypothesized that Sprint Nextel’s WiMAX announcement is like a magician’s trick: Make a commotion over here to distract the viewer from what is happening over there. I’m currently plotting my revenge on those people.)
And 3) Sprint Nextel is launching a new advertising campaign focused on the quality and capabilities of its network. The new tagline for the carrier’s ads will be: “Sprint. Power Up.” Along with the new advertising campaign, Sprint Nextel will be conducting “dynamic internal employee campaigns.” I’m assuming that means a sort of in-company campaign to boost morale. And with Mr. Lauer out, I’m guessing these campaigns go something like this: “Work hard. Show results. OR YOU ARE SO FIRED.”
I’m already inspired.
Isn’t connecting the dots fun?
Sprint Nextel is obviously in a rough spot. Right now I’m picturing Sprint Nextel a little like Jake LaMotta of “Raging Bull” fame. “Come on, hit me. Harder. Harder.” It’s like the carrier is so close to the cutting edge of everything that it’s gotten cut because of it.
Sprint Nextel’s marketing officer, Mark Schweitzer, describes the company’s offerings as “lightning in a jar.”
“We’re opening that jar, putting the power of that lightning bolt in the hands of the customer and waking up the rest of the industry,” he said.
But, using that same metaphor, lighting in a jar sounds pretty… risky.
Indeed, Sprint Nextel seems to be stuck in a most interesting predicament: It has so many opportunities that it doesn’t seem able to capitalize on any of them. You want WiMAX? We’re on it. You want EV-DO Rev. A? We’ll launch that before you can say “Verizon.” You want push-to-talk? We’ll get together with Nextel (and then promptly ignore iDEN.) You want MVNOs? This network is for rent. You want bundles? Check out our new cable friends (who, for some reason, need $2 billion in spectrum). And it goes on and on.
But don’t worry too much. After all, the Razrs are coming, the Razrs are coming!
It seems the one thing Sprint Nextel isn’t on the cutting edge of is the fact that most people still don’t quite trust cell-phone providers. Most regular people are generally suspicious of and, frankly, somewhat scared by mobile TV and full-track downloads. They’re not really prepared for the time and effort it takes to make use of a “powerful” network.
Judging from the recent successes of Cingular Wireless and Verizon Wireless—and the opposing failures of Helio and Amp’d Mobile—people want a friendly, competent carrier rather than a technological marvel. They want a cell phone, not a mobile intelligent terminal.
They’re not really interested in “lighting in a jar,” they’d rather just have a candle in the dark.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. Wanna check out other Worst of the Week entries? Click here for past columns. And now, some extras:
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Alltel recently made a “voluntary contribution” to the U.S. Treasury of $100,000. Amazingly, the amount is EXACTLY THE SAME as the FCC’s fine against Alltel for not filing paperwork about safeguards on its customers’ call records. Of course, Alltel didn’t admit any wrongdoing (and I, of course, am not insinuating anything). Interestingly, I also make “voluntary contributions” to the U.S. Treasury every April 15, the same day as tax day. What an amazing coincidence!
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Leap is suing MetroPCS because it says MetroPCS stole its “all you can eat” business model for wireless service. In related news, the “Buffet at Bellagio” in Las Vegas sued both Leap and MetroPCS, arguing that it came up with the all-you-can-eat idea in the first place. The “Buffet at Bellagio” then belched loudly and went back to the crab legs table.
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There’s another phone on the market for little kids: the Wherifone from Wherify Wireless. It’s selling at Toys ‘R’ Us. I love the idea of selling cell phones to children. I’m still keeping my eyes peeled for a Bluetooth-enabled pacifier.
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Qualcomm bought Qualphone for $18 million. Hey Mr. Jacobs, did you know that I’m the founder, president, CEO and chairman of a company named “Qualdano?” And for the lowly price of $100 … it can be yours too.
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VeriChip, which sells RFID chips, announced it sold its first full RFID system to a hospital in Brampton, Ontario. One of the things the system will support is “infant protection.” The press release does not explain what “infant protection” means … and I’m too afraid to ask.
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The Mobile Data Association in the United Kingdom is trying to promote the use of MMS services, and has launched a new “how to” Internet site, www.text.it/picturemessaging/, to help people figure it out. Let me save you all some time and energy: Step 1: Push the camera button. Step 2: Take a picture. Step 3: Send. Too confusing? Check your brain to make sure there’s no crayon in there.
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Did you see that EchoStar and DirecTV, as well as Charles Dolan’s bidding entity, dropped out of the auction? That’s right, suckers, run back to your mommies! Maybe you can play with the big boys next time! Wussies. OK, I’ll stop now.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com.
