The i’s have it

Perhaps we should all just go back into hibernation for a few weeks until some of this iFrenzy subsides.
On the other hand, given that iHysteria will only gather greater force in the weeks ahead from its virtual-life-source-namesake-master-the Internet-we might as well sit back and enjoy the show.
How far we’ve come, modern man babbling away in feverish awe of the coming arrival of this monolith-admittedly smaller and more sophisticated in terms of the polymer outer casing, electronic circuitry, memory, software, camera megapixels and the like than the one that caught the eye of tribal apes back in the day.
Oh yeah, this one has a touch screen! The verdict is out, however, on whether battery life and wireless data speed have evolved enough to satisfy 21st century citizens.
Put simply, to borrow a term of art cleverly employed by Federal Communications Commission Chairman Kevin Martin in his rant over the 2nd Circuit’s rejection of the agency’s iNdecency policy (see www.fcc.gov), folks are going ape-sh** over the iPhone’s June 29 launch by AT&T Mobility.
What the f***! (sorry to plagiarize your literary device, Chairman Martin, but it works for me, too), the hype (iT will revolutionize the cellular industry, end starvation, bring world peace, stop global warning in its tracks and save Alberto Gonzales’ job) is, well, obscene.
Let’s see what the 2nd Circuit does with this.
Even worse, the iPhone craze appears to be contagious-just one more problem for CDC Director Julie Gerberding. Internet and other media outlets are gushing with up-to-minute reports on iGate, the U.S. broadband firm implicated in last week’s political corruption indictment of Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.), and on the great debate of the day in the nation’s capital: iMmigration reform.
You’d think nothing else is happening on the planet. Geez, what about the 700 MHz auction and Frontline and Cyren Call and Google and Broadcom-Qualcomm?
It’s simply uncivilized to be monkeying around with this iPhone business 24/7. Now I’m all worked up. Someone get me a banana smoothie.