Worst of the Week: Don’t eat the iPhone with ketchup

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So I’m still trying to recover from the iPhone craze. Despite my hatred of all new things, I finally now accept that the iPhone really is a big deal-much like that whole “personal hygiene” thing I keep hearing about.
See, when the iPhone was first announced, I thought it was just an opportunity to make fun of nerds and every word that starts with a lowercase “i.” Like iHungry and iTired. But now I finally realize the iPhone actually is an important innovation in the history of the wireless industry.
Of course, this doesn’t mean I was wrong about the iPhone when I called it “stupid” and “not important” and “best eaten with ketchup.” Instead, my words were simply misconstrued, much like Sen. Larry Craig’s bathroom antics.
Anyway, the point is that the iPhone is a big deal. The reason I know this is because the rest of the world’s handset makers are rushing to make their own iPhones. Already, LG is selling its touchscreen Prada phone, which closely resembles the iPhone. And, according to recent reports, LG has a new, Windows Mobile-based device that even more closely resembles the iPhone.
Indeed, it now appears that Nokia, the world’s largest handset maker, is working on its own version of the iPhone. According to a Wall Street Journal story, Nokia this week showed off a prototype device with a touchscreen that will allow users to flip through photos with a swipe of their finger-just like the iPhone. The device also will reorient its screen when users flip the device from vertical to horizontal-just like the iPhone.
And that’s just the touchscreen stuff. The iPhone’s visual voicemail feature is a major improvement to an aging service that was in serious need of enhancement-I know I’m not the only one who gets confused listening to a list of 20 different options. After all, it was just last month I discovered that I could press the seven key twice to delete a voicemail without listening to the whole thing. What a revelation!
What’s especially interesting is that the iPhone voicemail feature didn’t come from one of the standard handset players like Motorola or Samsung. Instead, the iPhone came from a company with essentially no experience in wireless. It’s the equivalent of me walking onto Coors Field here in Denver during a Rockies game and hitting a home run.
And if that actually happened, I’m sure the Rockies would beat me up and hide my shoes, just out of spite.
Thus, I think the iPhone really is just a black eye for Nokia, LG and the rest of the gang. After all, Apple’s research and development budget for 2006 was $712 million, while Nokia’s was $5.3 billion. The folks over at Nokia have got to be kicking themselves right now.
Let’s just hope Nokia doesn’t beat Apple up and hide its shoes, because that’s just mean.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Verizon Wireless announced it will sell Bob Marley ringtones. Am I the only one who absolutely can’t stand Bob Marley? I wish that Bob Marley had shot the sheriff earlier in his career, so he would have been stuck in jail instead of making so much annoying music.
–GossipGirls.com announced it will now offer a mobile version of its service that will cater to “always on-the-go, young consumers who want 24/7 access to the latest celebrity gossip.” If you’re really that interested in exactly when Britney Lohan or Linsey Spears checks into rehab for the 10th time, you might want to consider rehab yourself. I’m just sayin’.
–AT&T recently put its advertising account into review. Let’s hope they keep their “more bars in more places” tagline, and actually back it up by opening bars. And having Guinness on tap. Update: Astute reader Sharon informs me that AT&T is not reviewing the content of their ads, only the companies that place it.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com.