Worst of the Week: Googling Sprint Nextel’s humor-scale rating

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So the Wall Street Journal is reporting that Google is planning a major move into the mobile space, actions that could include selling a Google-powered phone through Verizon Wireless or Sprint Nextel. Based on Sprint Nextel’s third-quarter earnings (or lack thereof) I would expect they’re bidding like crazy on an exclusive for the Google phone.
But then again, what do I know? After all, I made fun of the iPhone as being geeky and lame, and look how that turned out.
Anyway, I’m very excited for Google to take over the wireless industry. I’m hoping the end result will be a Google “widget” that I can install in my brain that will give me the ability to Google at the speed of thought. Then I can really get some work done!
But really, I expect a major wireless push by Google to have the same positive impact as Apple’s major wireless push. It will liven things up, cause industry incumbents to raise their game, and give me more to write about. It’s what I like to call a win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win (except, of course, for all the losses).
Here are the things I expect Google to introduce into wireless:
1. A service that will allow me to Google up phone numbers. This will save me the time and energy of actually writing down 10-digit phone numbers. (This is an arduous process for those of us who are numerically challenged. And by numerically challenged I mean dumb.)
2. An Adsense-style service that will deliver targeted, contextual advertisements based on the substance of my phone conversations. For me, these advertisements mainly will be focused on ’80s-era action movies and Guns ‘N Roses.
3. A way to Google faster. Because right now, it’s way, way too slow. I mean, come on, 0.24 seconds for search results? My grandma can blink faster than that. (Interestingly, a quick check of Google tells me the average blink lasts 0.33 seconds.)
As for a Google-powered cellphone, let’s hope it’s sleek and fast and actually lands at Sprint Nextel. Because, seriously, that carrier is having so much trouble its humor-scale rating has been downgraded from “moderately amusing” to “kinda sad.”
And that’s just sad.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–T-Mobile USA announced it will sell the new HTC “Shadow” smartphone as part of a new line of “people-centric phones.” I’m glad, because I’m tired of all the monkey-centric and manatee-centric phones that T-Mobile USA has been trying to sell.
–Motorola announced its new T505. I don’t know what this product is-it might be a new cellphone or Bluetooth accessory-so I’m just going to assume this is a new model of Terminator battle chassis. “It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear.”
–Hop-on announced it will begin selling a new line of CDMA phones in Latin America. Hop-on, which markets phones and accessories to carriers and resellers, got its start several years ago promising to sell “disposable” mobile phones. And personally, I’m absolutely amazed that this company is still around. Kudos to the management over there; Hop-on used to be my No. 1 pick for a messy bankruptcy and liquidation.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com.