Worst of the Week: Cellphones on airplanes?

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWirelessNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So it seems that our congressional representatives, in all their wisdom, want to prohibit people from talking on their cellphones while they’re flying in airplanes. I don’t know of any legislation that would also ban annoying people from flying, but then again I don’t know much about the goings-on in Washington.
Anyway, the bill – hilariously called the HANG UP Act – would only ban voice communications in-flight, though passengers could still access the Internet, e-mail and send text messages if such services are supported.
The bill follows on the heels of the European Union’s announcement that it is moving to permit passengers to talk on their cellphones while a plane is in-flight.
(BEGIN SARCASM) I for one am very excited about this new legislation. And in fact I think it doesn’t go far enough: I would also like to ban sweaty people from flying, noisy children from flying, and I would also like to prohibit the sale of Diet Mountain Dew on all U.S. aircraft, because that stuff is nasty. (END SARCASM)
Now here’s my real (non-sarcastic) comment: What the heck??!? First of all, I thought that using cellphones on airplanes screwed up the plane’s navigation or something, right? I mean, why were they banned in the first place? (Side note: They are still banned, which makes this bill sorta funny.)
I for one do not want to screw up an airplane’s navigation system; it sounds like a bad idea.
But I guess that cellphones are actually OK to use on airplanes, seeing as how the Europeans, in all their wisdom, have decided to move ahead on the issue. The European service apparently would require the installation of picocells on airplanes, which would cut off direct links with ground-based networks and connect to a satellite that would handle all in-flight cellular traffic. Isn’t technology neato?
Technology issues aside: What the heck??!? Why do my congressional representatives feel the need to keep me quiet while I’m flying? If I can use my cellphone on a bus and on the subway, why can’t I use it on the fastest mass-transit system available?
Yes, I know that it would probably suck to sit next to someone for four hours while they have a loud conversation with their girlfriend/best friend/ex-wife – but guess what? That’s life. And I don’t know of any laws against asking annoying people to please keep it down.
Further, I think there are places where cellphones are even more of a nuisance: Movie theaters, churches and bathrooms, to name a few. But – just like on an airplane – I don’t need the federal government to get between me and the person who is annoying me. I’m perfectly capable of sitting next to strangers, and interacting with them, without federal legislation protecting my sophisticated sensibilities.
This same argument goes for bans on cellphones while driving (at least for adults), smoking in restaurants, firearm ownership and who I want to marry.
Of course, my whole argument grounds to a halt when it comes to the penalty for cellphone conversations on airplanes (or any other ban). Specifically, if the federal government assesses a fine for such transgressions (and makes the fine payable to me) then I’m cool with that.
OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–There’s only one extra today: I have received a number of e-mails over the past year or so of writing this column asking me to please not write about anything political. I know that the above column is somewhat political (although it is a very, very small issue in the grand scheme of things). Nevertheless, I am entitled to my opinions, and I’m lucky enough to have a forum in which to express them. And I would point out that there is no legislation prohibiting me from expressing my opinions, nor is there any legislation requiring you, the reader, to read it. Also: NASCAR is boring. (I get a lot of e-mail about that too.)
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com.