Worst of the Week: Odds and ends

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWirelessNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So, the rumors were flying thick and fast this week surrounding embattled No. 3 operator Sprint Nextel. In a nutshell:
–German telecom giant and presumed David Hasselhoff fan Deutsche Telekom was looking at acquiring Sprint Nextel in an attempt to bolster its U.S. presence beyond No. 4 carrier T-Mobile USA, and because DT found some extra change in between its pillow cushions to pay a nice premium on Sprint Nextel’s roughly $25 billion market capitalization;
–Sprint Nextel was looking at spinning off its Xohm WiMAX business into a separate company funded by cable companies, Google and Intel as well as cash raised from recent blood donations by some Sprint Nextel executives. (Apparently blood from an executive is worth a lot more than from slobs like you and me.)
–Wanna-be public-safety savior Cyren Call was trying to scare up investments so it could buy Sprint Nextel’s iDEN network, which despite recent struggles still serves some 13 million customers, including millions of public-safety workers;
–And Sprint Nextel was considering changing its name to “Nothing over $5 store: Everything must go!” (This part is not factually correct, but since we are talking about rumors, I felt like it could be as legitimate as the others especially if I mentioned that unnamed sources deep within Sprint Nextel told me the story.)
As of yesterday afternoon only one of these rumors — the spin off of its WiMAX business — had come to fruition. But that doesn’t mean the other three are not still possible. (Especially the last one, which would be the most awesome.)
So as a service to those who are still reading this column, I will provide some useful information on the chances of the three other rumors becoming reality as well as small comments on each. (And please remember, this is only an exhibition and not a competition, so as always, no wagering.)
1. DT buying Sprint Nextel: This deal just does not make any sense. Sure DT would vault past AT&T Mobility and Verizon Wireless as the No. 1 carrier in the U.S., but after watching Sprint struggle after acquiring Nextel, I envision similar challenges in trying to put together T-Mobile with Sprint Nextel. And that doesn’t even take into account the three network technologies that would be involved. Sure Sprint Nextel’s stock plunge makes it ripe for plucking at a bargain price, but from my point of view this just seems like a bad idea. As such I am putting the chances of this happening at around 99%.
2. Cyren Call acquiring Sprint Nextel’s iDEN biz: Now this makes sense to me. This rumor has been circulating in one form or another for several years and tends to makes sense. Public safety is already a big customer on the iDEN network, so why not kick off all those pesky high-ARPU business users and dedicate the network to public safety? Sure there are coverage issues that would need to be addressed and there is still some question as to whether Sprint Nextel’s iDEN network could really support public safety in an emergency, but I figure the public-safety market is a perfect place to experiment — so why not give it a try? Having said all of that and giving my glorious support to such a plan I would put the odds of this happening at about 0.13%.
3. Sprint Nextel changing its name: This is a no-brainer. I mean, what does Sprint or Nextel have to do with wireless? I believe the combination of the Sprint and Nextel names is the true reason behind the carrier losing customers by the millions, as most level-headed people like myself see those names together and say: “Why am I getting my wireless service from a company with such an un-sexy name? I’m switching to AT&T Mobility or Verizon Wireless or T-Mobile USA, because those are sooo much cooler.” But, change that name to “Nothing over $5 store: Everything must go!” and there will be a stampede to your door.
OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–One side note on the disappearance of the Xohm brand after Sprint Nextel melds its WiMAX business with Clearwire: What happens to Barry West’s “XOHM” license plate? Not sure if a bidding war would erupt on eBay, but I’d be willing to put up a couple of bucks for that piece of history.
–Maybe a little off the wireless topic, but reports this week that Take-Two sold more than $500 million worth of its “Grand Theft Auto IV” console games during its first week of sales was too impressive to let slip by. $500 million in sales in one week! Hard to believe the mobile space is not able to even tap into a portion of that revenue stream. (Full disclosure: Some of the RCR Wireless News staff may have contributed to the $500 million in sales.)
–Fast-food powerhouse Taco Bueno said it will expand its Cellfire-powered mobile coupon offering from its initial trial in the Dallas area to all of its 180 locations in Arkansas, Indiana, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Texas. The current coupon offering is for a Beef Muchaco or Chicken Potato Burrito for 99 cents. In its press release Taco Bueno noted: “Cellfire offers our guests the convenience and value of getting discounts without the hassle of clipping and remembering paper coupons.” All we can think is who besides Mike Dano would take a paper coupon into a fast-food Mexican joint?
–And finally, we received a press release from Clear Channel Outdoor’s Clear Channel Branded Cities division highlighting a new partnership with Miller Brewing Co. to become the “Official Beer of Westgate City Center,” which for those not in the know is in glorious Glendale, Ariz. “But, how does this impact me?” you may be asking. Well, as part of being named the official beer of a shopping center, Miller will use all sorts of advertising flack, including a “Bluetooth application active throughout” the development. So, next time you visit the Westgate City Center make sure to keep at least one hand free to check out all the cool Bluetooth spam telling you to have another beer. Looks like we will be booking a business trip to check it out in the near future.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@crain.com.