Worst of the Week: Cutting in line

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWirelessNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So, this week’s Worst of the Week column will be briefer than normal on purpose as I suspect nearly everyone reading this will be standing in line at their nearest Apple or AT&T retail location in hopes of being one of the first in your circle of friends to have the new 3G iPhone. As such, I’m suspecting you are either reading this from your handset or smartphone, and we know how hard it is to scroll through a long Web page using those lame mobile browsers (except you Opera Mini, we love you) or if you are one of the super-nerds, you are reading this from your laptop computer that by this time should be nearly out of battery juice. (Mmmmmmm, battery juice.)
As such I will only briefly touch on the fact that I am yet again amazed that so many people are bothering to stand in line to get the 3G iPhone. Don’t you people have jobs? Or girlfriends/boyfriends? Or at least aren’t you worried that you parents will be concerned when they don’t hear you screaming into your headphones while playing “World of Warcraft” in the basement?
There seems to be a never-ending stream of stories bouncing around the Internet about people all around the world lining up in front of their local iPhone retailer accompanied by disturbing photos of what these people look like. Disturbing I say!
Also, here’s a warning to cut down on possible carnage. Our own online editor Mike Dano took today and tomorrow off so he could sharpen his nerd bat as he plans to launch a handful of beatings on unsuspecting 3G iPhone’rs standing in line. We think this hatred comes from Dano’s own desire to own a 3G iPhone, which is battling his own inherent cheapness. It’s a gruesome battle that makes it especially difficult to work with him on a daily basis.
I would tell you to keep an eye out for Dano’s face, but knowing his collection of superhero costumes, I suspect your best bet would be to keep an eye out for a gangly-looking Superman/Batman/Spiderman with a bad haircut carrying an oversized Wiffle Ball bat. Although, by the looks of the pictures of the people standing in line for the iPhone, that could be just about anyone.
Anyway, to you super-nerds standing in line, good luck controlling the greater-than-normal-amount of shaking your body is enduring in anticipation of getting your clammy hands on a 3G iPhone. If you get a chance, please call your parents to tell them where you are so they stop worrying about you.
OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Verizon Wireless put out a press release this week noting that text messaging usage in North Carolina surged more than 600% between the first half of 2006 and this year. In a bit of “Big Brother” reporting, Verizon Wireless provided city-by-city examples of the growth, including such metropolises as Goldsboro, which saw an increase from 17,646 text messages sent during the first six months of 2006 to nearly 2.8 million this year; Roanoke jumped from 112 text messages to 400,197; and the NASCAR-hub of Charlotte, which boomed from 15.4 million in 2006 to more than 103 million this year. Hmmm, I wonder if there is any correlation between NASCAR fans and an inability to spell out words?
–Mio Technology unveiled its Knight Rider GPS navigation device “inspired by the original Knight Industries Two Thousand” otherwise known as K.I.T.T. from that awesome mid-80s TV show “Knight Rider.” You know you watched it. Mio adds that the new device “brings the magic of the original television series to your daily commute with a Knight Industries-approved LED display and customer voice files. All that’s missing is Michael Knight and his patent leather jacket.” Mio also managed to get a quote from Neil Epstein, who for some reason admits to being the “owner of fan enthusiast Web site, Knight Rider Online.” Mr. Epstein gushes: “I have been waiting 20 years for my car to be able to talk to me like K.I.T.T., and now with the Knight Rider GPS it is a reality for fans everywhere.” No word on whether Mr. Epstein’s parents, who we can only assume own the basement he lives in, are as enthused.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@crain.com.