Worst of the Week: Gunslingers

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So, if you are like me – and if you are, can you explain to me why sometimes the bottom of my right foot itches – you have a keen interest in what types of cellphones those around you (me) use. I can’t help but take a peek at the ringing devices that seem to invade my senses when traveling out and about, whether it be sitting at a restaurant or in a movie theater.
Not only do I look to see what devices the masses are using, but I am also interested in how mobile devices are carried. Through such thorough research I have come up with some generalizations that I would like to share with you now:
–Young women tend to carry their cellphones in their hands at all times; obviously their clothing lacks pockets and their mini-purses are too small to carry anything. Also, it appears that having their phones at the ready allows them to carry on several conversations, including talking and texting on their phone at the same time.
–Young men tend to carry their phones in one of the 37 pockets now included in most shorts and jeans, with additional fun in watching some having to reach down to nearly their ankles to reach the drooping pockets because the top of their jeans sit closer to their knees than their hips.
–As for more mature folks (and I say that only referring to age and not personality) I tend to see a greater prevalence of people holstering their mobile devices in some sort of S&M contraption lassoed to their hip. I assume this has to do with one of two issues: either these people are not buying baggy-enough clothing, or they are trying to copy the Batman utility-belt look. Of course, these people could just be big S&M fans and those holsters are actually attached to some elaborate safety-pin/barbed-wire contraption discreetly hiding beneath their pressed best.
Watching these people answer their device is equally amusing as most have an instinctual motion that is similar to Clint Eastwood reaching for his six-shooter. (And that reference is to Clint in his spaghetti-Western classics and not in his Dirty Harry flicks, where he reached for his hand cannon in his coat pocket or one of those back-brace/gun holsters that all the cool cops in movies wear.) As soon as the device starts to vibrate, their itchy-trigger fingers jump into action, snatching open the holster and with lightning-quickness, shoot the phone to their ear before you can blink an eye. It never fails to amaze.
(Some have tempered the motion with the addition of a Bluetooth headset that takes some of the pizzazz out of the action, but leaves plenty of fodder for general ridicule.)
In fact, some people seem so adept at this gunslinging motion that I am hoping a handset manufacturers or carriers start a competition for such holster hothands. It could be similar to those phone tossing contests, but more awesome. Can you imagine a couple of well-dressed business types facing off at high-noon in front of thousands of screaming fans? That would make for must-see-TV. Or at least a good photo op.
Anyway, the next time you are ready to hit the town, take a second to consider how you are carrying and using your cellphone and realize that some very superficial people may be figuring out how they are going to interact with you based on that decision.
Peace out girl scouts!
OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Verizon Wireless took a significant credibility dive in the WOTW books this week by announcing a contest where 40 “winners” will receive a vacation with the Jonas Brothers. Now I am not exactly sure who these Jonas Brothers are, but I have in passing heard younger folks talk about them in glowing terms, so I can only assume they are people I don’t want to know. So you have been warned: Avoid buying a Samsung Glyde or Juke between Sept. 2 and Nov. 1, or better yet barricade yourself in a bunker somewhere to prevent even the slightest chance you might be a “winner.”
–Verisign put out a press release this week saying it delivered 95.4 billion inter-carrier text messages during the first half of this year. The company also said it recorded a single-day record of 648 million text messages sent and a one-hour record of 42 million text messages sent. I don’t know what to make of those numbers other then to express how disappointed I am with you texters out there. Only 95.4 billion sent through six months? Only 42 million sent in an hour? Come on people. We can do better.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@crain.com. Or, if you prefer, leave a comment in the space below.