Worst of the Week: Fourth-quarter bliss

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
The air is beginning to get crisp here in Denver, and we all know what that means: the start of the critical, fourth-quarter holiday shopping season, when handset makers flood the market with their latest creations and carriers subsidize everything in sight in hopes of besting the other guy.
There’s also religious stuff that generally goes on during the fourth quarter, too, but I can’t imagine it will be as important as holiday shopping.
Anyway, this fourth quarter looks to be the most interesting yet.
First of all, it will be forever known as the “touchscreen quarter,” because every single handset maker on Earth (excluding Motorola of course) will be selling its latest high-end touchscreen marvel. Touchscreens are the wave of the future, just like disposable phones and MVNOs. Yessir, touchscreens are here to stay.
But that’s not all! Also this fourth quarter we’ll get a fully operational mobile WiMAX network, albeit in just a handful of cities. But still, WiMAX is big, and it will undoubtedly take the fourth quarter by storm. WiMAX is the wave of the future, just like WAP and $3 ringtones.
Also in the fourth quarter we’ll get a new No. 1 (if the merger between Verizon Wireless and Alltel is consummated) as well as a new mobile WiMAX player (if the transaction between Sprint Nextel and Clearwire is consummated). I’m assuming that Google is just going to acquire them both, but I suspect that won’t happen until the first quarter of next year.
And finally, the best part about the fourth quarter will be the worldwide financial chaos that is sure to envelope the wireless industry along with everyone else. Right now I’m stocking my basement with shotgun shells and canned beef in the hopes of waiting it out until a new civilization can rise from the ashes of the current one. Nonetheless, I’m sure that cellphone sales will continue briskly throughout the meltdown – after all, how else will you be able to call your mortgage broker to complain about being homeless?
Good times. Anyway, here’s hoping that whatever touchscreen I manage to steal out of a burning Best Buy during the upcoming, inevitable riots is entertaining enough to keep me from going stir-crazy through the apocalypse.
OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Did you get a chance to check out the latest photoguide from RCR Wireless News? Check it out now by clicking on this link. If you see yourself anywhere on this list, please contact me at once because I need some extra cash, bro.
—Broadcom sued Qualcomm again. I gotta say, I’m actually starting to fell sorry for Qualcomm’s lawyers. I mean, geez, Broadcom, can’t you give them a break?
–And finally, the Razr is still the nation’s No. 1 phone. I find it amazing that Motorola can’t sell a business that is currently producing the nation’s most popular cellphone. But then again, it’s hard to be shocked about anything Moto-related, these days.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com. Or, if you prefer, leave a comment in the space below.