Worst of the Week: And now, some extras

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
(Insert witty column here.)
So . I guess there’s some funny, interesting stuff going on somewhere, but I’m certainly not sober or awake enough to figure out what it is. So, since I really am that lazy, let’s just skip to some handy dandy bullet points, shall we?
(Actually, here’s the spin on it: Since there’s SO much going on right now, I need to touch on everything and not waste my time on an actual column. Good spin, huh?)
–So FCC Chairman Kevin Martin is pushing ahead with his plan to auction spectrum on the condition that the winner build a free, family-friendly wireless broadband network. I know there has already been a lot of discussion on this topic by people who are way smarter than I am, but I suppose it’s time I add my two cents: I can’t imagine a worse idea. I mean, seriously? It has to be free, and it also has to filter out obscene content (the definition of which remains unclear)? Why not just mandate that the winner of the auction go bankrupt in a year? That would speed things along much better.
–My favorite company in the universe, Hop-on, already announced plans to build a phone running the Google Android operating system, which is totally awesome. But today the company sweetened the deal: “Hop-on announced that it will be launching its new Casino Wagering Software on an open ‘Android Platform’ device at the Consumer Electronic Show, in Las Vegas, January 2009.” Could it get any better? Gambling and Android? I think not.
–From the “destined to fail spectacularly” file: Wireless technology company Sonim and car maker Land Rover announced they will begin selling the Land Rover S1 by Sonim and Land Rover S2 G4 by Sonim by the middle of next year. Yessir, there’s nothing better than Land Rover-branded cellphones. They should be just about as valuable as Levi-branded cellphones and Disney-branded cellphones. Of course, now I really, really want a cellphone that carries the same brand as my vehicle: a’98 Chevy Blazer with bald tires and a horn that doesn’t work.
—Clearwire announced it will sell its mobile WiMAX services under the new “Clear” brand. They’re going to use the tagline “Let’s Be Clear.” This reinforces my belief that my 2-year-old son, who recently told me “I want eat manatee” (I am not kidding), would probably be better at marketing and branding than most of those in the business today.
–Apple released a list of the top 10 most popular iPhone apps. At the top is “Koi Pond,” which I assume is a game of some kind, rather than the actual thing. Anyway, the point is that “Koi Pond” was developed by “The Blimp Pilots.” My suggestion to the smart folks over at “The Blimp Pilots” is to quit developing iPhone applications and start a band, because “The Blimp Pilots” has to be the best band name I’ve heard since “Mastodon Rodeo.”
OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com. Or, if you prefer, leave a comment in the space below.