Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
Over the past several weeks I have had the great fortune of attending several industry events across the country. While these events are often great places to gather information on the goings-on of the industry and to meet up with some very smart people, these event are also littered with unique “standards” that while not necessarily as evil as all the new acronyms that typically sprout from the minds of all the smart people in attendance, are things that make me cringe every time they pop up.
One of the most frustrating standards I have noticed is when someone is giving a presentation during a keynote address or an “education” session and at some point thinks its necessary to show a video to further illustrate their point that whatever they are hawking is so incredibly awesome.
These videos are often of a production quality surpassing what is seen on basic cable television channels, but still a few notches below something Hollywood, or even Pasadena, might put out. (Though I do remember one such video from Microsoft that was of near “Avatar”-quality and even featured several recognizable Hollywood actors that I thought would have been above such shenanigans. I guess Microsoft-type money does talk.) But, the production quality is not really the nexus of my frustration. That is taken up by the action going on during these videos.
Many of these show way too happy and attractive people (though if I were that attractive maybe I would always be happy) doing activities with a mobile device that makes the smile on their faces nearly rip their heads in half. Even better, these young people – that are somehow ruling the world – are often using some mythical device that looks like it was straight out of a “Star Trek” movie, doing an activity that I can only guess was thought up by someone like James Cameron.
The sight of some shaggy-haired twenty-something sitting on surf board conducting a video conference call from his wristwatch with colleagues that are spread out around the world at locations like on top of Mt. Everest, in a submarine, in a hot-air balloon and from a roller coaster is a common theme.
Really amazing stuff … if it were possible anywhere outside a comic book, or a wireless industry trade show.
I can appreciate the time and effort these companies put in throwing these videos together, but to show such activities to a group of people that are in the industry and know very well that all of these activities are impossible is foolish. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard audible laughter during such video presentations in recent weeks. And while people do like their comedies, having people laugh at something not meant to be funny is probably not a good reaction.
(I guess if there is one positive to these video interludes it’s that they do provide a few minutes to sneak in the quick power nap, which as I have become older is a welcome respite at such events.)
Another odd standard I have found is that it seems that every chart predicting the growth of a mobile service possesses a upward trajectory that goes beyond the oft-used “hockey stick” path and more resemble the 90-degree junction between the floor that I can’t stop staring at during these presentations and the wall that I then want to bang my head against while having to listen to these presentations. Isn’t there one mobile related service out there that will show a precipitous decline over the next 10 years? Can’t someone mix it up a bit and say:
“And as this chart shows, the adoption of our new offering is set to plunge dramatically over the next decade, pushing our wonderful employees to grab their torches and pitch forks to chase down our marketing team and sending our shareholders into uncontrollable fits of rage. And now let me show you a quick video … ”
And finally, the more recent standard is the continued reference by carrier employees to their networks as being “4G.” This of course was started by Sprint Nextel for its WiMAX-based service that it markets under the 4G brand name, and more recently has been taken up by T-Mobile USA for its HSPA+ based network.
While I have already wasted space on decrying the issues I have with using these terms in a marketing sense, to continue using these terms for people that are actually in the industry and know that neither of these services are “4G” has become nauseating.
Again, when it’s some marketing person using the term, I can see cutting them some slack as it’s their job to perpetuate the myths for the sake of marketing. But, when it’s an executive, or worse, a network person going on and on about how awesome their 4G network is, it slides over the line into just being sad and needs to be curtailed.
I can only guess that most of these people have a jar back at the office that they need to put a dollar into every time to pass on the chance to refer to their networks as 4G, or have some sort of bonus in their salary tied to the number of times they say 4G.
What’s wrong with just calling it “mobile broadband” or coming up with some awesome acronym. People love acronyms. Let me show you just how much they love acronyms with this chart and accompanying video.
OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:
— Keeping on the topic of what at trade shows annoys me. (Hey, I can’t seem to get this stuff out of my mind as I fly at 600 miles per hour 35,000 feet above the ground. You would think that that act alone would be enough to keep my mind off of these trade show topics, but alas I have been to desensitized to be amazed at modern air travel as I should.)
Recent trips have taken me to a number of cities and convention centers that according to those awesome coverage maps put out by carriers should be blanketed by cellular connectivity.
However, I can’t tell you how many times (actually I can … ) I have been unable to get a 3G or so-called “4G” signal ( … 83 times.) while at an event where some carrier is literally gushing about the quality of their network. This phenomenon had me scratching at walls looking for an Ethernet port more desperately than I was looking for a power outlet.
One analyst I spoke with summed it up best when he said carriers should stop funneling billions of dollars to building out their “4G” networks and try to provide ubiquitous coverage, both inside and outside, for their 3G networks.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@ardenmedia.com.
