Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
Alright. I will admit it. I am an idiot.
I don’t know how else to explain my inability to “get” tablet devices. I mean, it seems that everyone in the world has gone Country Hip-Hop crazy over these overgrown smart phones. If all the recent forecasts I have been bombarded with are correct, by the end of next week every person on the planet will have 3 tablet devices in their possession (that they know of) generating enough income to keep Mr. Jobs and whoever is running Google at the time in gold-plated jump suits for eternity.
I guess I should say everyone on the planet except me. You see, I want to want to be in love with tablet devices, gushing over how they are the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow and make every other device besides a beer keg tap obsolete. I really really do. Really.
But, every time I buckle down and try to focus on generating this infatuation my brain simply shuts down. Here is a brief example of a typical exchange that goes on inside of my head:
My “want to want to be in love with tablet” side: Man, those tablet devices are some kinda sexy. I mean look at all that glass and plastic and metal and stuff. Damn! That’s sexy!
My “what are you stupid, again” side: What!?! Are you stupid!?! Why in the hell would you pay any amount of money for something that is no more useful than that already too powerful smart phone you already own, yet is a fraction as useful as that already way too useful netbook you are always yammering on about?!? Are you stupid!?!
My “want to want to be in love with tablet” side: But … I … everyone … sexy … must have … .
My “what are you stupid, again” side: What? It’s sexy to have to also buy some sort of man-purse to carry around one of those “sexy” tablets? Make sure you get one in pink that says DKNY on it.
My “want to want to be in love with tablet” side: But … I … everyone … sexy … must have … .
My “what are you stupid, again” side: That’s what I thought. You’re an idiot. Now wipe that drool off your chin and stop thinking like an idiot or I am shutting this whole thing down.
My “want to want to be in love with tablet” side: But … I … everyone … sexy … .
Never pretty.
And while everyone and their brother starts to lose control of all bodily functions with just the mention of an iPad or anything “pad” related (well, almost anything), I don’t think I am alone in this tablet confusion (tabfusion?).
Wireless carriers, you know, those guys who are expected to provide all of those subsidies for tablets so that everyone in the world will actually purchase these devices, also seem to look at this segment with a wary eye.
Sure, they want more people to sign up for a two-year contract in exchange for that awesome device subsidy. But, from looking at the pricing models for those required data packages it’s obvious they don’t want anyone to actually use their networks to transfer any data to that device. I know it seems like every carrier is tripping over itself in an attempt to be the exclusive provider of the next tablet to hit the street, but by capping data usage my guess is that they would rather customers relied more on the device’s embedded Wi-Fi connection than its cellular capabilities.
Carriers have already gone through this with netbooks. There are some die-hard consumers out there that have seen a reason to exchange a $200 subsidy for a two-year contract for data services at $60 per month, but from all the data I have seen, it has not been that many people. And why is that? Well, because carriers have really not budged on providing data plans that make sense for a device that is capable of transmitting a lot of data. And I don’t blame them.
Leap Wireless International Inc. is a prime example of these dangers. The carrier came out a few years ago with very aggressive pricing on mobile broadband services that, to their detriment, were too successful. Sure, they signed up a lot of people to the service, but they also quickly realized that people were attaching these wireless modems to devices that could really put down some bandwidth.
Looking to stem the tide, Leap was forced to institute capped data plans that all of sudden did not look as attractive. In addition, their roll out of smart phones has been garnering a lot of attention from consumers, which while putting less of a strain on their network compared with wireless modems, are still pushing the carrier’s network to capacity. The carrier is now having to juggle how many customers from those two segments it allows to connect to its network.
Now, as is usually the case, I am probably wrong in all of my assumptions and tablets will become the next Teddy Ruxpin. And, for those tablet fanatics out there, I am open to any sane argument as to the actual usefulness of these devices, though I would like the chance to retort so I can at least embrace my idiot side.
OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras courtesy of our RCRBlog at uplugged.www.rcrwireless.com:
–T-Mobile USA Inc. hosted an investor conference this week where the company laid out extensive plans for how it will grow operations over the next several years. This included an exhaustive PowerPoint presentation filled with all sorts of numbers and graphs. Really good stuff.
But, for me the most informative piece of news was that they called one of their latest commercial’s “Shirtless.” Nothing better than seeing a company exec say “shirtless.”
–Note to application developers. Please, please, please let’s take all of this application development down a notch. I know that by developing yet another e-mail synchronization or mass coupon application you are showing your parents that spending all of that time playing Sega’s Dreamcast was not a waste, but how about you all use that knowledge for some real good and put some serious effort into teleportation.
I know I have harped on this topic ad nausea for some time, but I don’t think it’s getting the research efforts it really deserves. And, this is not just me being selfish as usual. I can only guess that 99% of all people getting ready to travel to Barcelona in the coming weeks for this year’s Mobile World Congress event would give up their numbed legs from traveling coach for the ability to teleport there and back. (I reserve that 1% for those not flying coach and thus couldn’t care how long the flight lasts, as long as the champagne keeps flowing.)
Sure, there might be some casualties to this, but what’s that saying about omelets and eggs?
—Did someone say 9 Piece?
Please check back daily at RCR Unplugged for more posts from our editorial staff.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@ardenmedia.com.
