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Worst of the Week: Free hot dogs!

Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!

And without further ado:

Much a to-do was raised this week by rogue wireless provider FreedomPop, which announced its “free” wireless service for a smartphone. I say “a” smartphone because for its launch the company will offer but one “older” device. How old? Well, it still packs a WiMAX chipset for accessing Sprint/Clearwire’s WiMAX network.

However, that aspect of the device can be overlooked when focus is placed back on the initial attention-grabbing part of the announcement: Free!

Who doesn’t like free? Free is always better whether we are talking about donuts, bacon or donuts. Free is also good when it comes to cellular service because up to this point “free” wireless service typically involved signing up for a carrier foolish enough to offer the first month of service for free, cancelling service after that first free month, repeat.

FreedomPop is tapping into the inherent goodness of “free” with this offering that provides some calling minutes, some messaging and some data for no money … outside the $100 you must spend on that WiMAX-equipped smartphone. But, again, we are focusing on the wrong part here. The service, or at least some service, is free.

For those that really want to go wild, you fork over $11 per month and get unlimited voice calling, messaging and some data. But, that does require that $11, which when placed next to something that is free seems like it’s at least twice as much, if not more.

I am going to assume that with this offering, every past, present, future and imaginary wireless customer will be signing up for FreedomPop’s service, because … well … why wouldn’t we/us/them not? Didn’t you hear? The service is free?

There will be those out that might question such a business model, noting that a carrier such as Verizon Wireless on average charges customers $50 per month for service and across its 100 million customers is only be able to post $6.5 billion in operating income … just for its most recent quarter. Why, that’s barely enough to keep the lights on or at least to keep fuel in the always-running company jets. How the heck can FreedomPop do it?

“Good question, and something for someone with a calculator to figure out,” is what I say. I don’t want to know how the hot dog is made, I just want it to be free.

OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:

T-Mobile US is attempting to goose fourth quarter growth by slicing the upfront payment on a handful of new devices to the low, low price of free. This offer pertains to Samsung’s Galaxy S4, Note 3 and the LG G2, which previously required customers to fork over a down payment to walk out with one of those devices.

The catch of course is that in exchange for the carrier doing away with the down payment, customers will be making higher monthly payments on the device so that over the 24-month payment term the total price paid remains the same. Still, a good option for those asking if they could have a hamburger today and pay for that hamburger on Tuesday.

–Speaking of not paying for a device, those be-dazzlers at Vertu recently unveiled their latest in unobtanium-encrusted status symbols with the other-wordly-named Constellation. Sounds expensive, no?

The uber-device includes ringtones performed by the London Symphony Orchestra, which I am assuming is just a recording and not actually the whole orchestra crammed inside the device. Other features include a sapphire crystal screen that “resists the impact of a 200g steel ball dropped from the height of one meter,” or basically something that destroys lesser smartphones on a daily basis.

One other feature the device comes with is what looks to be some sort of crude charging system that would seem to require the owner to plug in the device to provide power. This might be a deal breaker for those with the means to actually purchase the device as this method of “charging” is way to similar to what the masses must endure. I can only guess Vertu is working on some form of wireless charging system that can transmit “smugness” into energy, thus allowing the device to run forever.

–Finally, good to see ZTE taking its smartphone message directly to the people by offering its latest flagship devices consumer direct. Lacking any support for LTE and selling for more than $400 looks to be a winning combination for attracting tech-savvy smartphone buyers not wanting to be bothered by the latest network technology and willing to spend top dollar for that lack of access. I sense nothing but success.

I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@rcrwireless.com.

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