Worst of the Week: Time for Apple to show who’s boss

Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
Apple next week is scheduled to hold its annual developers conference where the computing giant is expected to rollout enhancements to its software line up, including its mobile-focused iOS software. The event is expected to cater to a certain level of Apple fans, typically those that get more excited about code than cool.
For those more interested in cool, Apple could throw out a bone and announce its latest iPhone iteration, expected to be called the iPhone 6. Whatever it’s called, the Interwebs are bursting at the seams in anticipation for the next iPhone and even though it seems most don’t expect an unveiling next week, I say it’s about time we crank up the excitement-meter to 11.
Sure, Apple’s iPhone may no longer hold the same reverence it once had in the smartphone market, but it’s still a quasi-bench mark for the space, and for those that are already locked in to the Apple universe it’s one of their top five reason’s for living. Plus, it’s Apple, and Apple can and should do whatever it wants.
As such, I would like to at least put my two cents on the table as for what Apple should do with its next iPhone. Now, I know these two shinny pennies will in no way have any influence over what Apple actually announces, but since everyone and their brother seems to think they know what Apple will do with their latest iPhone, I figure I can at least throw some coins into the mix.
Unlike what everyone is predicting in that Apple will produce a new iPhone with a screen size somewhere in the neighborhood of five inches, I say Apple should stick with what it’s already offering. Maybe go up to 4.01 inches, but no further.
Why? Because everyone has abandoned that size, thus leaving Apple as the only game in town if someone wants a roughly four-inch screened smartphone.
Think about it, Samsung, LG, Motorola and Nokia are going crazy putting out new smartphones with screen sizes ranging from ginormous to double-ginormous. Sure, watching content and running your fingers over a larger screen may lead to a better “experience,” but those devices are now becoming two-handed commitments, and who has a free hand to give to their smartphones these days? (I guess besides everyone I see playing with their smartphones while driving.)
No, I say Apple should stick to its guns on screen size, and not just because it’s the “right” size. The real reason I want Apple to stick to that size is that the uproar such a move would cause would be monumental in terms uproar-ed-ness. The chaos that would ensue following such an announcement would likely displace a fault running underneath Silicon Valley strong enough to topple Segway-commuters.
I can just picture Apple CEO Tim Cook up on stage telling everyone that Apple had decided long ago that four inches was the perfect screen size and that it was right, and everyone else was wrong. And if he really wanted to put emphasis on that point, he could also remind everyone that it was not just Apple that decided on that screen size, but Steve Jobs himself. That outta quiet down the rabble-rousers.
In addition to raising all kinds of a stink, the move would bolster Apple’s precious cash pile and allow it to continue making odd-ball purchases. If rumors are to be believed, and why wouldn’t they, sales of the current four-inch iPhone 5S and 5C have not been as heated as expected, thus I would assume that Apple has some extra four-inch screens just lying around the office. Put those things to work!
And, after the initial round of rioting finally subsided, those that survived would still fight to be the first in line to purchase the latest iPhone regardless of screen size. All Apple need to do is put in some new bells-and-whistles like an eyeball scanner, drone controller or zombie-repellent and no one is going to care what size the screen is.
So come on Apple, show everyone who is boss and give us a little tease next week of the “new” iPhone 6 with a four-inch screen. Everyone will be up in arms, but you will show everyone that Apple is the one in charge.
OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:
–Good to see Boost Mobile has gone back to doing crazy stunts, something that the Sprint division has seemingly forgotten how to do since being brought in closer to the mother ship.
This week the no-contract provider announced a new advertising campaign that will allow “viewers” to pick the company’s spokesperson. The battle is set to pit Ana Parsons and Gentry White against each other in some sort of competition, unfortunately called a “Spokesbattle.” The best part is that the two will be “coached” by actor Luis Guzman and Renaissance Man Ice-T.
For those unfamiliar with either Guzman or Ice-T, Guzman is perhaps best known as that guy in a bunch of movies and television shows that you have seen in a lot of other movies and television shows, but just can’t quite remember his name. Ice-T, on the other hand, is most well known for throwing down some sick rhymes for some sick dance moves.

(Feel that tension?)
Parsons and White are apparently a couple of “regular” people that just need a bit of Guzman and T training to become Boost Mobile spokesperson material. Not sure what that says about Parsons and White, or more worrisome, about Boost. But hey, good luck with that.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@rcrwireless.com.
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