Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRNews.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
Remember when money actually had value. Back when if you found a dime, a nickel or heck even a penny on the street, you were the luckiest kid in the world and couldn’t decide whether to put the booty into the nearest vending machine or start up a savings account for college? Ah, the good ole’ days.
But it seems like today money has lost all value. A quick perusal of venture-capital funding conveniently provided by-shameless plug coming . wait for it-RCR Wireless News every Wednesday shows a number of companies no one has ever heard of getting some untold millions of dollars to advance their social-networking, or video-uploading or monkey-raising services.
Now, I’m sure most of these companies on the receiving end of said funding are legitimate operations trying to make a go of it. But, I think these types of investments are desensitizing us on the real value of money. I notice myself not being phased when I hear Monkey Raising Wireless received $500 billion in VC funding that it plans to use on breeding more monkeys. $500 billion to breed monkeys!?
A quick scan of this week’s wireless news, which can be found on-another shameless plug coming . wait for it-RCRNews.com shows more examples. International wireless giant-and probable part-time monkey raising conglomerate, though I have no proof . yet-Vodafone Group said it was skipping on its chance to force Verizon Communications to give it $10 billion for its share of Verizon Wireless. $10 billion! I would gladly give anyone my share of anything for a $1 billion, heck I’d probably do it for $100.
Let me give you a handful of scenarios to again illustrate how I have lost all concept for the meaning of money. These scenarios will take place in an imaginary world where 1.) I have been selected to go on a game show; and 2.) That I actually won something. Just play along.
Scenario 1:
Wink Martindale: Mr. Meyer, for correctly guessing that Abe is the name of Homer Simpson’s dad you have just won $3!
Me: Wow.
Scenario 2:
Wink Martindale: Mr. Meyer, for correctly guessing that Homer Simpson fought former President George H.W. Bush you have just won $3,000.
Me: Wow!
Scenario 3:
Wink Martindale: Mr. Meyer, for correctly guessing that Jebediah Springfield was the founder of Springfield you have just won $300,000!
Me: WOW!
Scenario 4:
Wink Martindale: Mr. Meyer, for correctly guessing that Ned Flanders owned the Leftorium you have just won $3 million!
Me: WOW!
Scenario 5:
Wink Martindale: Mr. Meyer, for correctly guessing that Homer works in sector 7G you have just won $3 gazillion!
Me: WOW!
Notice the difference? For me there is little difference in my reaction to winning $300,000 and winning $3 gazillion. Thus I appear only capable of comprehending money with five zeros or less. Your mileage may vary.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Verizon Wireless, which recently announced plans to acquire Rural Cellular, said it had acquired the assets of Ramcell in Kentucky and Oregon. The deal included Ramcell’s spectrum licenses covering 574,000 potential customers and 51 cell sites. No word if the deal also included the Ramcell name, which is the baddest-ass name in the wireless business. If Verizon Wireless were smart, it would take that name and scare the dickens out of AT&T Mobility, which by comparison is such a wussy name. I can just see the Verizon Wireless Can You Hear Me Know guy ripping off his shirt in the next commercial and screaming into the camera “AT&T, can you smell what the Ramcell is bringing! Can Ya!” That would be awesome.
–Capcom Interactive announced plans to launch Street Fighter II for mobile in time for the game franchise’s 20th anniversary. I doubt the mobile version will be able to live up to the arcade or even Nintendo version that took up so much of my studying time during college, but damn if it’s not awesome that one of the coolest fighting games is coming to mobile. Rock On Ryu!
–For those who have to text message no matter where you are in the world, Spot Inc. announced plans to launch its Satellite Messenger device in November. The company said the device and service uses satellite technology to send text messages and GPS to pinpoint a users location. Now comes the catch. The device measures 4.38 inches, by 2.75 inches, by 1.5 inches and weighs 7.37 ounces-or roughly the size of a McDonald’s McChicken sandwich with extra mayo-and costs $149. Spot then has the nerve to note that service fees will be offered at $99, with plans to add monthly and multi-year options in the future. So stop complaining about what you are currently being charged for text messaging.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@crain.com
