Worst of the Week: Metallica, zombies and, of course, the iPhone

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR Wireless News to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So this week has been pretty interesting, huh? We got the Consumer Electronics Show, which is always a fun event, plus details on the first real mobile TV effort in the United States, courtesy of Verizon Wireless. And then, of course, we got the iPhone.
My favorite part about this week was when President Bush tried to steal some of Steve Jobs’ thunder by announcing something about a new strategy in Iraq. Good try, Mr. President, you’re simply not as important as an iPod cellphone. Sad but true.
Anyway, there’s a lot to cover, so let’s just dig right in:
CES
What can I say about this event? It’s like going to a Metallica concert, only instead of Metallica, it’s actually hundreds of electronics companies. And instead of thousands of leather-clad freaks screaming at the top of their lungs, it’s hundreds of thousands of tech nerds staring at enormous TVs. So, actually, it’s not like going to a Metallica concert at all, except that you’re left with the same ringing in your ears.
At CES I did manage to see a number of the spectacular new offerings. I strolled through Motorola’s booth and got to check out a guy madly pedaling on a stationary bike in order to demonstrate how people in emerging markets could potentially charge their Motorola cellphone. That was funny.
I also got to stroll through Samsung’s booth, where the company’s cellphones were banished to a remote corner so that Samsung apparently could show off the 1 billion different kinds of TVs that it makes. There were lots of TVs at CES.
Speaking of TVs at CES, I got to see a 108-inch LCD TV. There was a huge crowd of gawkers just standing around staring at this TV, which wasn’t even showing a movie or anything, just still pictures of flowers. I felt a little like I had walked into a George A. Romero zombie movie. Strangely, I had the urge to sing to this TV, much like Homer Simpson: “You make me laugh, you make me cry, without you I’d just want to die, for the rest of my life you’ll be a fixture, now let me enjoy your picture-in-picture!” Or something like that. I like TV.
I also strolled through the “mobile electronics” section of CES, which turned out to be car stereo stuff. But for several minutes I thought I was at the 2007 North American International Auto Show because there were so many jacked-up cars on the show floor. It was also hard to walk around because the bass on many of the stereos was turned up so loud that it was affecting my inner ear, making it hard for me to maintain my balance. The whole car stereo industry baffles me.
The best part of CES for me was stumbling across a talk being given by noted photographer Art Wolfe in the Canon booth. Seems Canon has sponsored a TV show called “Travels to the Edge” featuring Mr. Wolfe, which will be shown in a few months on PBS. Mr. Wolfe showed off some of the pictures he took with a Canon camera for the series, and then talked about how he hopes to use his pictures to protect the wild and beautiful places he visits, much like Ansel Adams before him. In the midst of the vast and somewhat depressing CES landscape, where our unrestrained consumer culture is loudly and viciously celebrated, it was nice to run across an artist using technology to promote a good cause.
Mobile TV
Verizon Wireless has apparently decided to use CES as its launchpad for spectacular new offerings, and this year the carrier used CES to trumpet its forthcoming MediaFLO mobile TV service. Verizon Wireless said the service will offer “the best of broadcast and cable television,” including shows from CBS, Comedy Central, Fox, MTV, NBC News, NBC Entertainment and Nickelodeon.
I got a chance to check out the LG mobile TV handset for the service. The picture was clear, and the video stream didn’t jiggle or slow down like many of the mobile TV offerings that run over cellular networks. The best show I could find to watch was “SpongeBob SquarePants.” If you’ve never watched this show, do yourself a favor and check it out, it’s better than 90 percent of what’s on regular, primetime TV.
Anyway, Verizon’ Wireless mobile TV service seemed . fine. All services look great when they’re first announced, but I reserve judgment until I can actually check it out in an uncontrolled, real-life situation. (Can you tell this is my desperate attempt to get Verizon Wireless to send me a demo phone? Pathetic, really, but what are you going to do?)
iPhone
And, finally, the iPhone. What can I say about the iPhone? It looks pretty neat, I guess. And, if you combine the cost of a video-capable iPod and a cellphone, $500 isn’t too ridiculous, I guess.
(Please note: This is another desperate attempt to get someone to send me a demo iPhone.)
I guess all I really have to say about the iPhone is this: Steve Jobs wore a black turtleneck and a pair of jeans during the presentation where he unveiled the iPhone. So there you go.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–CMT Mobile announced that it will release a ringtone in conjunction with the 2007 Miss America Pageant. The ringtone? “There She Is, Miss America,” as performed by longtime master of ceremonies Bert Parks. Finally, a truly hilarious ringtone. I can’t wait to get mine. There’s no better way to make friends and impress people than with a “There She Is, Miss America” ringtone.
–Go TV Networks announced that it will feature Talib Kweli, Chingy and Nelly on its new “Off the Top” TV show for cellphones. I’m desperate to tune in to find out what a “Talib Kweli” is. It sounds so exotic, I hope it’s a new yoga pose or something.
–Microsoft is moving ahead with its new Vista operating system, which the company has said is the most important product release in its history. I recently got the opportunity to play with Vista, and I must say. it seems to work exactly like Windows XP. The only difference between the two, as far as I can tell, is that with Vista you can have a video as a desktop background rather than just a still picture. Will the wonders of technology never cease? What an age we live in.
–Finally, RCR Wireless News recently hired a new reporter, Matt Kapko, who is stationed in our Los Angeles office. Matt likes long walks in the forest and hates your mom. Feel free to send him an e-mail at mkapko@crain.com to welcome him to our industry. Or to complain to him, whatever.
I appreciate your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com.