Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So Sprint Nextel introduced a new Sanyo phone for the hottest demographic in wireless right now: the underage demographic. Yehaw. The phone allows parents to limit incoming and outgoing calls to a list that can be programmed into the phone. The Sanyo SCP-2400 is available in five colors designed to appeal to “tweens and teens,” according to Sprint Nextel. I’m pretty sure the word “tween” comes from a Dr. Seuss book.
Sprint Nextel’s phone is just the latest in a long line of wireless products that are being marketed to children. Cingular has the Firefly while Verizon Wireless has the Migo. Disney Mobile has its Family Locator and Sprint Nextel has a GPS tracking service for parents to watch their kid’s every movement.
Message sender: Mom
Message: jonny u git out of dat candy store rght nw!
And just think, you too could be a better parent if you just buy one of these phones!
But really, you have to admit it’s all just a little creepy. I can just imagine the folks over at Sprint Nextel discussing their new Sanyo kid phone:
Marketing dude (with a 1930s New York accent): “Ok boss, we gotta get into that kid market. Them cell phones are selling like hotcakes over at Toys R Us! We sell this new Sanyo phone, them kids ain’t gonna know what hit ’em! We’ll be bigger than Big Bird! You hear me? Big Bird!”
Gary Forsee (sounding like James Earl Jones): “Yes indeed. Get them while they’re young, that’s what I say. If it worked for the cigarette industry, it’ll work for us too.”
I know competition in the wireless market is cutthroat. I know family plans are critical to success. I know every new customer helps. But really, shouldn’t every new wireless subscriber be able to go to the bathroom by themselves?
I guess I’m just worried that, in a few years, Cingular will be buying ad spots during “Blues Clues.” And Verizon Wireless kiosks will be up and running in the Wal-Mart toy section. (Update : Astute reader Myron writes, “As I do work in the (Wal-Mart) Connection Center, I can assure you that we are not far away from the Toy Department at all!” Hilarious.) Maybe Barbie’s little cell phone accessory is a branding opportunity for Samsung?
Perhaps I’m just too old-fashioned … Are cell phone diaper monitors—for the “nonspeaking” or “infant” market, of course—just the next logical step in the evolution of the wireless industry?
My point: The wireless industry is on a slippery slope. Perhaps some of these products are helpful and worthwhile, but I think you all need to be very, very careful when you start thinking about how to make money off a six-year-old.
So, all you wireless entrepreneurs and innovators, take a good look at what you’re doing. Put away that Bluetooth-enabled pacifier and turn off your Tickle me Elmo-branded cell phone. Go outside and get some fresh air. Maybe punch yourself in the face.
Now, think up something useful. Like mobile coupons for beer.
MMMMMM beer.
(Update: Astute reader Elijah writes in with some thoughtful comments on this topic: ” It is not the wireless industry that is tracking these kids’ every move and logging them on a super data base somewhere so that we can tell everything these kids have ever done. It is a combination of these kids wanting more channels of communication with neighbors, friends and even their own family, and parents wanting the same, plus the peace of mind of knowing when their kids are literally on the wrong side of the tracks, that drive our industry to provide these monumental communication breakthroughs. … So in a nut shell, “what the customer wants, the customer gets.” And if there is a slippery slope near, it is on the consumer’s side of the mountain.”)
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. Wanna check out other Worst of the Week entries? Click here for past columns. And now, some extras:
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OK, HTC wins the prize for the absolute worst cell phone names: TyTN and MTeoR. I am not making this up. I mean, are they serious? TyTN and MTeoR? I mean, really? No way… really? Come on… Really? For serious?
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First it was Abhishek Bachchan, then it was David Beckham. And now… it’s Mariah. You all over at Motorola really do know “wickedly cool and compelling,” don’t you?
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And finally, Hong Kong-based Artificial Life is launching its “V-girl—your virtual girlfriend” application in Poland. If you don’t laugh at the idea of a bunch of Polish dudes running around Poland with their “virtual girlfriends” in their pockets then you need to check your pulse because you are probably dead inside.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com
