Editor’s Note: A wireless RF engineer with 18 years experience shared his recent job-hunting experience with RCR-and the response he wished he could have written back.
Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding employment opportunities with (deleted), Inc. We certainly appreciate receiving resumes from quality people. Your resume will be maintained in a computerized candidate tracking system, ensuring that your credentials can be taken into consideration against the requirements of all the positions that become available in any division of XXX Telecom Inc.
The computerized candidate tracking system makes use of artificial intelligence to search resumes for the skills and competencies that match the requirements of each position as it becomes available.
If you do not hear from us, it means that we do not have a position to utilize your background and skills at this time. We will call you when an appropriate match is made.
Please accept our best wishes for success in your current and future job search. Once again, thank you for considering XXX Telecom Inc. as an employer.
Sincerely,
XXX Telecom Inc.
The response letter
Thank you for you kind reply. It certainly gives me assurance that my resume will be evaluated fairly, when it is in the hands of such a fine, sophisticated system, even if it is just a PC on someone’s desk.
Isn’t it wonderful that we have this great “buzzword” technology today? And that resumes no longer have to make sense, be written grammatically, or fairly represent someone’s experience, as long as they have enough buzzwords in them for a computer to scan?
Why, just this morning, I gave my search engine a simple keyword request, and it immediately came back with 947,865,032,-649,354,061,763 great answers.
It’s really fantastic to live in an age where no HR officer ever has to read a resume. After all, he is a busy person and has many more important things to do than to find the right people for his company. Also, it is so hard to find people with specialized skills today, like … reading.
Your new AI system will doubtless ensure that only the most brilliant, talented, highly educated engineers will be interviewed by the head of the Marketing Department.
Please find attached, my new, updated resume.
I have edited it to work more efficiently with the new technology.
I simply downloaded the complete texts of the 1)”The Dictionary of Electronics,”, and 2)”Principles of Modern Management,” and mixed them up using a neat little random-number scrambling program that I found on the Net.
The resulting file is a little long, but I am sure your AI can handle it.
This newer, updated resume is sure to get me a great position with your company. Oh, and one more thing; when you talk to your AI, give it a message from me:
Please don’t call me, I’ll call you.
Sincerely,
RF Engineer
