Worst of the Week: The mobile Internet myth

Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
This might sound odd, or it just might sound like something coming from someone that is old, but my tolerance for technology is eroding at an increasing clip. Sure I still like talking robots and shiny objects that pop and buzz for my amusement, but I am also realizing that those geniuses that invent and develop new technology seem to forget that for the most part it will be used by regular people that don’t have the time, education or patience to master that technology, let alone understand the basics of it.
One of these “advancements” that has me re-thinking technology is surfing the Internet from anything but a personal computer. I may be the only one, but I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to go to a Web page I often frequent from my personal computer on a mobile device and end up wanting to throw that device at the nearest personal computer.
I do think it’s cool that you can surf the Internet from virtually any mobile device, but the Internet was made to be viewed on a real computer and any other way of accessing the Internet results in disappointment.
Sure, a number of companies have come up with Web browsers designed to provide a near-P.C.-like experience when checking out the Internet, but the “near” and the “like” are not quite near and like enough. And that is perhaps the most frustratingest part. The experience is so close to surfing the Web from a full-feature browser that you are tempted to give it a go every once in a while, only to feel suckered after attempting to access a few sites and muttering “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I should be severely beaten for letting you fool me twice.”
And this seems to go for virtually any mobile device, regardless of brand or Web browser. While some might be a little better than others, none truly get the experience correct, and worse they get it just wrong enough to really make people (me) mad. The industry likes to throw around marketing claims that consumers can access the Web wirelessly from wherever they roam, but that is simply not true. They might as well claim that mobile devices can be used to control unicorns that are capable of teleporting treasures from Atlantis. That would at least make for a good commercial.
Even the most GHz-packed smartphone fails miserably. Most failures are due to a screen that is always too small, which requires constant zooming and panning to read anything, a processor that can’t load graphic-heavy Web sites, which is all of them, within a reasonable time, and lack support for the necessary plug-ins to render a site usable from a mobile device.
What’s the solution? Either fix it or throw in the towel. There is nothing worse than a half-assed solution and that is where we currently stand. We can continue to allow people to download free applications to their device as it seems that’s the only thing wireless data related people really want to do from their phones, but I say either fulfill the promise of mobile access to the Internet or remove all pretense to accessing the Web from a mobile device.
OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:
–Obviously Apple hates freedom. The company best known for producing all things cool began taking pre-orders online for its iPad (hee, hee) device this morning, which I am guessing will likely crash the Internet and robbing freedom-loving people from accessing their favorite YouTube clips. Also, reports are that Apple is limiting pre-orders to two per customers further stifling my freedom to order dozens of iPads (hee, hee) and the trying to sell them to people standing in line to buy one from a retail store.
–Some might be wondering why I have not made any comments yet on the upcoming CTIA event set for later this month as we have a history here at WOTW of bagging on this annual event. All I can say is patience. I am going to wait for the final week of pre-show anger soak into my marrow before tapping into the well of hatred. And as a precursor let me say that anything that I say next week regarding the CTIA event is not geared at the event itself per se, but at the events that lead up to the event. Though I will probably also include some general disgust with the event as well just for fun.
–O.K., I know I just said I was holding off on all CTIA-related comments until next week and all, but I did have to mention that there is one item set to be shown at the event that I can’t wait to see. It’s the Telefingers touch-screen gloves. That’s right, special gloves made to keep your fingers warm while at the same time still allowing unlimited fondling of that precious touch-screen device. In the release the company notes: “Telefingers have silicone beads on the palms and fingertips for added control and grip. They fit snug to your fingers providing accuracy and breathability.” I am just hoping they come with a Kleenex dispenser.
–And here I go again with another CTIA related item, but I promise this is almost as cool as the Telefingers and could even be considered a complimentary item. After you have finished getting all touchy with those Telefingers why not “clean up” with Cyber Clean America’s Cyber Clean! (As seen on TV!) The company said the product has a “gel-like membrane that disinfects while it cleans.” Even better, a single Cyber Clean can be used up to 75 times and can be used to clean such filthy items as “kitchen and bathroom surfaces, interiors and exteriors of cars, and all electronics.” Must make time to check this out at show.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@ardenmediaco.com.