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Worst of the Week: Buzz kill!

Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!

And without further ado:

Dang! This week started off so promising, but just as quickly that promise was nipped in the bud by a certain Buzz Killington.

The promising part was the rumor that Verizon Communications and AT&T were scheming to buyout Vodafone Group for $245 billion. Cowabunga!

Let me break this down for those of you who have no idea what Verizon, Vodafone or Cowabunga mean. This would be like if Iron Man and Whiplash teamed up to take on Superman. Now does it make sense? No?

How about this: In the domestic market, Verizon and AT&T are (supposedly) marked enemies bent on each other’s destruction in a business sense. They are the Hatfield and McCoy’s; the Cartman and Kyle; the Duke and North Carolina of the market. Oh so they are supposed to be.

The thought of the two of them somehow partnering on some plan that in the end would improve each of their competitive positions sounds just stupid. In fact, just writing that sentence alone made me tell myself: “Now, you just sound stupid … again.”

Of course, the Buzz Killington’s over at Verizon had to quickly shoot down such an outlandish rumor just as quickly as it appeared. Come on Verizon. Couldn’t you just let us stew in such a crazy thought for a couple of days?

Now, I think most of knew that there was no way this whole thing could ever happen, or at least happen in this dimension. But, still, wasn’t it sort of cool to just for a second imagine if just such a scenario did indeed happen? The boards of both Verizon and AT&T sitting around a campfire discussing how they wanted to take over the world. One deciding that they would take control of the United States, with the other happy to have control over everything else. I can smell the s ‘mores now.

Instead of getting a fierce rivalry, we are getting more of a Ren and Stimpy sort of relationship. Sure, they want to hurt each other on the outside, but inside there is nothing but love.

Don’t get me wrong, these sort of mega-deals typically blow up in hysterical fashion, and the bigger the players, the bigger the explosion. And, who doesn’t like explosions!?!

Speaking of explosions, just think about the bomb such a deal would have set off amongst domestic regulators and rivals. Having already smacked AT&T’s hand for attempting to buy T-Mobile USA, I am guessing regulators would have had a hard time fathoming a deal between AT&T and Verizon. Heck, there seems to be some begrudging going on currently with a simple spectrum deal.

And imagine the fun those that already refer to AT&T/Verizon as having near-monopolistic control over the current mobile space would have had with those two getting closer on just such a deal. That would have been enough ammunition to keep lobbyists busy for decades. (Not that lobbyists don’t have enough on their plates.)

But, alas, it’s not to be as sanity seems to have prevailed and we are left with a barrel of what-ifs. Well, I guess there is always next week.

OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:

–I will admit that I am not always the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am a bit mystified about all the hubbub generated by T-Mobile USA’s recent announcement that it was eschewing all contract offerings and allowing customers to pay for their devices over a two-year term.

Sure, any sort of shake up to the “established” way of doing things is great, but is this really that big of a deal? Others have already been offering such a payment plan for mobile devices, and even T-Mobile USA has been offering such an option for its no-contract plans since late 2009.

I will say that with the new emphasis on these plans, T-Mobile USA is taking on the biggest hurdle to prepaid adoption: sticker shock. Everyone wants the latest smartphones, but having to fork over $500 for one upfront is a tough sell. Just ask Leap.

But is this move really enough to save T-Mobile USA? Well, that’s for the future – and possibly government regulators – to decide. In the meantime, wake me when T-Mobile USA finally closes on this MetroPCS mess.

–Speaking of a dull knife, I was also a bit perplexed by the waves generated by the Facebook announcement this week. I guess for those who are addicted to everything Facebook, having “quicker” access to the service a few more features is pretty sweet. But, is it really that much different from the current Facebook’s apps available across just about every smartphone?

I am sure the folks at Facebook know what they are doing – cough, IPO, cough – but the news seemed a bit out-of-step with a company that is (I assume) trying to be on the cutting edge. Not that I think Facebook is set to implode ala MySpace, but it appears the clock might be ticking on Facebook’s relevance.

–And, because it’s Friday and we are some two years away from the sequels, here is a good way to kill a few hours.

I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at dmeyer@rcrwireless.com.

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