I awoke in a panic the other night. Was I dreaming, or is it really true that the wireless industry has been slipping? Where to find the truth? Ah, I could find the answer in acronyms.
With every new technology developed, for every new feature, application, piece of software or service, an acronym is made up, adding another confusing ingredient to the alphabet soup that is wireless terminology. However, no one has really created a new acronym since PoC, hence my concern. Granted, PoC has been one of the worst acronyms of recent years-Push to talk over Cellular. I mean really, how do you capitalize that? Push To Talk over Cellular, Push to talk Over Cellular, what?-but even I am almost consistent in how we capitalize it for the paper. Worse, VoIP has made it into the mainstream, everyone knows what Wi-Fi is, and some people are even suggesting that EBITDA not be used as a way to measure performance any more. Sacrilege!
What if, much like analog technology, wireless acronyms are on the way out? This industry was made great by acronyms. Its growth can be attributed directly to the number of acronyms spit out each quarter. Come on people, it’s time to think up some new ones. This has been too proud a tradition of the wireless industry to let slip away quietly.
Here’s my starter list:
ROI-Sure, sure it stands for return on investment. But hey, where’s the confusion in that? Let it also mean “Return Of Infrastructure.” I keep hearing the reason Verizon Wireless is not building EV-DO in Denver anytime soon is because it is still dealing with legacy Motorola equipment that it doesn’t like. Just pack it up and ROI, I say.
VoID-A variation of Voice over Internet Protocol. In this version, however, there is no protocol standard, so calls don’t get through. They are Dropped. Get it? D, dropped, void, ha ha! See, dropped calls can be funny. Sometimes consumers just have no sense of humor.
Sky-Fi-When Wi-Fi access is too limited by short distances, calls would handoff to the Sky-Fi network. Wait, that’s cellular. OK. It would be the new name for wireless service, allowing carriers to cash in on all the hoopla surrounding Wi-Fi. Better yet, call it Broadband Sky-Fi to really impress investors.
SHAFT-The Subtle High Art of Financing Trickery that allows bankrupt companies to walk away from auction making a profit. No need to spell out on first reference.
PoX-Refers to push-to-talk service created by Nextel. Used by jealous wireless carriers that would wish a PoX on Nextel for a number of reasons, including its PTT service.
