Worst of the Week: Razr burn

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR Wireless News to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
So, finally, and with much fanfare, Motorola Chief Ed Zander unveiled more Razrs this week. And it was a good thing too, because I was getting a bit worried that the current selection of Razr-branded phones-be it in red, fire, pink, hot pink, blue, black, gold, silver, mauve, chartreuse and, Mike Dano’s favorite, gunmetal-was getting a little thin, but luckily uncle Ed came through with a slew of new phones tagged with that cool Razr name.
I can’t get enough Razr. Sure, I’ve never actually owned a Razr or even felt the desire to fondle one’s delicate architecture, but that does not mean I have not admired it from afar. Heck, even Dano’s Razr when ensconced in its pink carrying case, is tough not to covet.
The sweetest of the new Razrs of course is the Razr2: Electric Boogaloo. The 2, which is what I am calling it now, is 2 millimeters thinner than the 1, which is now how I will refer to the original Razr. Those 2 mm might not seem like much, but could be just enough to totally eliminate any bulge when the phone is resting in someone’s pants pocket, which is also where all phones should be kept.
The new Razr also shows off more bling, which is what all the kids are looking for nowadays. While Moto did not put a number on it, I would say the 2 is 137% blingy-er than the 1. And just wait for the limited-edition versions of the 2, which I suspect will include models covered in some sort of exotic material like camel hair or tungsten for the high-end carriers, and some with rhinestones and squirrel fur for the mass-market.
Now I know a lot of analysts and bloggers have been giving Moto and Uncle Ed some grief for relying so heavily on the Razr name, but I say hogwash. I’m ready to embrace the new Razrs and all they represent. There is nothing like riding a beloved icon into the ground, then dusting it off and riding it some more. If this was not a national pastime, would we have not been blessed with such movie classics as “Smokey and the Bandit 2,” “Cannonball Run 2” and “Radioactive Man II: Bring on the Sequel.” And of course, those dissing the new Razr lineup are just being blinded by the soon-to-launch daddy of all tech gadgets, the iPhone. Punks!
And let’s face it, what else could Moto name its new handsets? The Krzr never took off despite the company’s best efforts to position the device as the successor to the Razr. And the Rizr just doesn’t seem as cool. So Razr was the obvious choice.
(Sure, Moto could have gone wild and came up with some new names like the Blzr or Phzr, or if they wanted to throw in a vowel just for fun, how about the Tazr? Come to think of it, there are a whole slew of names Moto could have used for the new phones. May I suggest the Mazr. Or how about the Hazr. Or Qazr. I could keep going, but you get the point.)
Sure, Moto also unveiled some other handsets, like updated versions of the Rokr and GSM versions of the Q, but all eyes will be on the 2. If consumers warm to the 2 as they did with the 1, then Moto might just be able to turn around its listing ship.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Alright Verizon Wireless, enough with the top 10 lists. Last week carrier put out the top 10 Bee Gees songs of all time to coincide with the appearance of one of the Gibb brothers on American Idol, which is sponsored by Verizon Wireless’ rival AT&T Mobility. This week, Verizon Wireless put out a top 10 list of Paula Abdul songs, I guess because she takes up space on the show. The list included such classics as “Straight Up” (No. 1), “Cold Hearted” (No. 3) and “Ain’t Never Gonna Give You Up” (No. 10). But what’s with “Rush, Rush” at No. 2? And why isn’t “Skat Strut” even listed? Makes me question the validity of the list.
–Apparently Japan plans to set up an experimental high-tech wireless zone on the island of Hokkaido next year. The zone will reportedly include sensors allowing doctors to remotely monitor the health of the elderly and provide alerts for drivers if pedestrians are nearby. This smells like trouble to me. Hasn’t the Japanese government learned that when they venture head-long with technology, something always goes terribly wrong and some mutant reptile ends up destroying Tokyo? It’s not like Ultraman can always come to the rescue.
–All bowling games for mobile devices released so far are about to become old news as Ojom announced plans to release The Big Lebowski Bowling game. Based on one of the best movies to feature a bowling alley, the game is really nothing more than a standard bowling game except it includes a few scenes with “The Dude.” But that alone is enough to make it awesome.
–In the kinda wireless-related department, Google announced its Universal Search application. Without reading any of the details, which would be out of character, I’m assuming all I need to do now to find anything is to just yell it and a list will appear out of thin air. Man, that Google is some amazing stuff.