Worst of the Week: And now, some extras

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR Wireless News to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
(Insert witty column here.)
So. I guess there’s some funny, interesting stuff going on somewhere, but I’m certainly not sober or awake enough to figure out what it is. So, since I really am that lazy, let’s just skip to some handy dandy bullet points, shall we?
(Actually, here’s the spin on it: Since there’s SO much going on right now, I need to touch on everything and not waste my time on an actual column. Good spin, huh?)
–Last year, a company called 3GUpload rebranded itself as Mixxer. Last month, Mixxer rebranded itself as 3Guppies. I am not making this up. It seems the best way to stay ahead of your competition, as well as your customers, is constant rebranding. The best part? Users of 3GUpload used to call customer service about their “Three Gupload” service. Now, however, users will be calling about their “Three Gupload slash Mixxer slash Three Guppies” service. And they will feel like complete idiots.
–A social-networking company called Twitter recently announced some upgrades to its platform. One of the upgrades includes an iPhone version of the company’s site. According to the announcement: “We were just as excited about the arrival of the new Apple iPhone as every other geek on the planet. So much so in fact that Twitter Inc. promptly issued a shiny new iPhone to all employees. We love them! We also love the versions of Twitter that folks have created especially for the iPhone-they look great.” I am not making this up.
–An Indian company called Megasoft formed a subsidiary called “Tea Party Acquisition Corp.” to acquire Boston Communications Group Inc. Get it?
–Computerworld magazine put out a press release about the “nine new deadly sins of mobile phone use.” The first one? Butt dialing. “This sin is typically caused by people who don’t understand issues such as how the ‘dial last number called’ feature can be accidentally triggered. The recipient of a butt-dialed call typically hears background talk, the sound of clothes rustling or the contents of the purse jostling.” I don’t think any extra commentary is necessary.
–3G Americas announced that work is continuing on the evolution of GSM technology. For example: “While the standards work continues on the evolution of HSPA in Release 8, another area of focus in Release 8 is the introduction of a new OFDM-based technology through the Long Term Evolution (LTE) work item, often referred to as the Evolved UMTS Terrestrial Radio Access Network (EUTRAN). In parallel, 3GPP has progressed on the standards development and definition of a new flatter-IP core network to support the EUTRAN through the System Architecture Evolution (SAE) work item, which has recently been renamed the Evolved Packet System (EPS) Architecture. The combination of LTE and SAE/EPS provides the long term vision for 3GPP to an all-IP, packet-only OFDM-based system expected to further improve performance by providing higher data rates, improved spectral efficiency and reduced latency.” If that doesn’t sound like work, I don’t know what does.
–XO Communications announced it expanded its broadband wireless network in 36 markets. In a separate release, Nextlink announced it expanded its broadband wireless network in 37 markets. Turns out Nextlink is a subsidiary of XO and they are essentially both announcing the same markets, albeit in separate press releases. Yup, this is what we here at RCR Wireless News spend the majority of our time doing: untangling PR and marketing nonsense. Update: Chad Couser from XO writes in to say, “Because Nextlink and XO serve two different markets (carrier vs enterprise), that is the reason for the two press releases.” So there you go.
–A few weeks ago I wrote an item that included the phrase “Hello Kitty: Nuclear Winter.” At the time, I thought it was the funniest thing in the entire world, perhaps in the entire universe. However, I only received a few comments about it, which upset me to no end. Therefore I’m going to reprint the item in hopes that the rest of the world can join in its sheer hilarity: Along Mobile Technologies announced it will develop a series of “Hello Kitty” mobile games. I’m hoping the first in this series is “Hello Kitty: Nuclear Winter.” See? Hilarious.
–Samsung recently put out a press release titled “Single mobile females find new BFF: Their cellphone.” The press release detailed the results of a survey commissioned by Samsung that found “women’s cellphones play an important role in relationships and dating, organizing their lives and fashion.” Updated: What I find strange about all this is that Samsung rarely updates us on real news-like new phone annoucements-but will spend the time to commission a survey full of claptrap and drivel and then send us the results. I’ve got a suggestion for Samsung: Quit with the nonsense, please.
–Motorola announced another terrible quarter, and said its mobile phones division won’t post a profit this year as previously expected. The news has sparked talk about getting rid of Moto’s chief, Ed Zander. Wasn’t it just last year that the Razr was the greatest invention since the wheel? And wasn’t it just last year that Ed Zander was on the cover of every business magazine as the greatest CEO since Montgomery Burns? Motorola’s Razr rise and Razr fall happened so dizzyingly fast that my head is still spinning.
–Please congratulate me. I made it through an entire Worst of the Week column with only a brief mention of the iPhone. That has to be some kind of record.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column (even though it wasn’t really a column). Stay tuned next week for a real column. Promise.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at mdano@crain.com