Dear President Clinton, Majority Leader Dole and Speaker Gingrich,
As the country enters Week Three of budget-related furloughs, I think the American public has figured out that “essential government personnel” means “those who are generating money for the Treasury.” Case in point: The Federal Communications Commission remains shuttered except for those workers who are overseeing the auctioning of 900 MHz specialized mobile radio, C-block broadband personal communications services and broadcast satellite channels.
While recognizing that deficit reduction is an important and a necessary goal, gentlemen, the commission does perform other functions. For example, here are a few excerpts of some recent messages left on the FCC’s voice-mail system: Ring … ring … ring. “Most of the FCC’s public offices are closed due to the furlough. If you would like information on the auctions, please call … “
“Hello, Office of Engineering and Technology? Say, the neighbors and I want to know when you’re going to get that little problem of garage-door frequencies straightened out? We’re tired of calling the cops.”
Ring … ring … ring. “Most of the FCC’s public offices are closed due to the furlough. If you would like information on the auctions, please call … “
“Hello, Wireless Telecommunications Bureau? I have some long questions about comparable facilities and a short timeframe to submit comments. I need some help … ASAP. Where are you?”
Ring … ring … ring. “Most of the FCC’s public offices are closed due to the furlough. If you would like information on the auctions, please call … “
“Hello, Enforcement? This is United Flight 1020, currently en route to Dallas. We’re experiencing some interference from the ground, and I think we may have a problem. Hello? Hello?”
Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let me assure you that these user messages are fictitious. However, the situations exist. If the public were to begin complaining tomorrow about broadcast television, cable or AM/FM radio, I’m sure the FCC would be reopened immediately to address the problem.
Maybe I’ll write to the Smithsonian Institution to see how some of its museums came up with the funds to reopen, just so tourists wouldn’t be disappointed with the Washington bureaucracy. I’ll let you know what I find out … if I can get a phone call through.
